Leaving the Pastor's Zone

Is there a universal expectation that "religious professionals" (Pastors, Priests and Rabbis, Imams, Nuns or village Shamans....for purposes of this article the generic term "clergy" shall be use without reference to tradition or denomination as an inclusive term for those in such cultural roles) are different from "normal" people?   Is it assumed that clergy hold spiritual knowledge and a closer relationship to the divine than most?

The clergy are certainly held to a higher standard of morality; one reason why it is scandalous when they betray such ideals.  We project our assumptions, needs and emotions on members of the clergy.   We adore or vilify, praise or curse our clerics with little regard to who they really are as human beings.  We may not want to see them for who they are but for the ideals we seek in our traditions or the resolution of our emotional needs, good or bad.

Global affirmation in this profession comes to the ones meeting those projected needs; Mother Teresa, Billy Graham and the Dali Lama come to mind.  Utter failure awaits a member of the clergy who breaks the projected expectations; just ask Ted Haggard, Jim Bakker or Jimmy Swaggart to name a few North American male evangelicals.

As an ordained clergy in the United Methodist church since 1976 I know that I have really made someone angry when they exclaim, "...and you call yourself a 'Man of God'!"  Now, I've never called myself a "Man of God" as if that title suggests a spirituality superior to any other person.  I am set apart to do a specialized ministry within the life of the church but I am no closer to God than anyone else is or can be.  Once explaining this concept to a well-meaning saint in a church, I was flabbergasted to hear, "...well then why are we paying you?"!

When I get the "Man of God" curse, folk are angry because I have in some way violated their expectation of the clergy.  As a run-of-the-mill Protestant pastor such violations aren't very spectacular but they don't have to be; not visiting a parishioner who was in the hospital but didn't bother to tell anyone; not calling on a long time member who had stopped coming to Sunday services to see if anyone noticed; advocating the placement of a new stained glass window in the sanctuary bigger than the one dedicated to the memory of Mrs. Smith's mother; preaching on a biblical passage with an application unsupportive of a parishioner's politics. 

For example, in 1994 California Governor Pete Wilson adroitly used Proposition 187 for re-election.  It was intended to deny public services such as education and medical care for the children of illegal aliens. Passed by a large majority it was quickly overturned as unconstitutional.  In a sermon delivered in Clovis, just outside of Fresno, I referred to the biblical admonitions to treat "the alien with justice and hospitality for you once were an alien as well..." (Ex. 22:21, Deut. 10:19, Lev. 19:34).   An outraged parishioner refusing the shake my hand at the church door yelled at me, "...and you call yourself a 'Man of God'...[I don't call myself a 'Man of God', really...]....the reason the church is going to hell is because you preachers don't stick to the Bible!"

Clergy, in North America at least, are expected to be modest, humble and self-effacing.  We go along with everyone's ideas, meet everyone's needs and ask for little in return.  We are supposed to be concerned about 'spiritual matters' not worldly affairs, such as money or politics.   Above all we are to be nice, never contrary, argumentative or grumpy.  Having taken vows of service and sacrifice clergy must love at all times.  Let's call this the "Pastor's Zone".

I am a very successful pastor.   I have received assignments, status and authority way beyond my peer's or my own expectations.   I am good at staying in the Pastor's Zone.  I try not to leave the Pastor's Zone, I really do, but sometimes I just can't help myself.

In every church I have served I have met saints whose simple and sincere faith has inspired my own.   And in every church I have served....except this current one of course.....there are a handful of individuals who give hours and hours of volunteer service to a church which does nothing right.   These parishioners are there on every Sunday.  They will attend any event, any activity.   It would seem they would not miss the occasion to complain about what's wrong, what's not enough, what could have been better.

As a clergy person one would love to blurt out, "...why do you come here?  You give hours of dedicated service to this church.  If it is so bad why don't you go to another church where you can be happy?"   But that would be leaving the Pastor's Zone.  

I’ve done so on occasion and it’s no fun.

In a former assignment a distraught senior spouse greeted me at the church door after the worship service, shaking and in tears.   She described how her husband, a World War II Vet, was threatening suicide.  He would sit in his TV chair, holding a pistol to his head while clicking the chamber over and over again, asking her as she cooked in the kitchen, "Why shouldn't I just blow my brains out, I've got nothing to live for..."   He threatened to do so if she told anyone of his behavior.  This had been going on for days.

She was beside herself and didn't know where to turn but to her pastor.   As we went over to her house I called our local police dispatch and informed them of the situation and address.   I entered the house and found the man in his TV chair with the pistol on the side table.  He was shocked and angry at his wife for telling.  He was outraged that I had entered his home.

My attempts to make verbal contact with him weren't getting anywhere when the police came in and took the gun.  They searched the house for more.  They found three rifles and a shotgun.  They explained to him that they would have to keep his weapons for 90 days while he sought help.  At this point the man faked chest pains as if he was having a heart attack.   The police had to call an ambulance.   As they wheeled him out of his house, with neighbors gathered around trying to see what was going on, his wife hysterical, he yelled out at me, "....and you call yourself a 'Man of God'?!"  [I really, really don't!]  

I had left the Pastor's Zone.  Clergy are supposed to be nice at all times.  Exposing his dysfunction wasn’t a very nice thing to do.

The end of the story turned out quite well.  The husband was taken to the local VA Hospital where he was treated for clinical depression.  He began talk and medication therapy.  I saw him at the grocery story months later and he was able to shake my hand and thank me.  Sadly, he and his wife never set foot in the church again.

If indeed clergy are to love at all times at what point is honesty pastoral?

In the Christian tradition Jesus is held up as the model for pastoral care.  His constant compassion, especially for the weak and forgiveness for those crucifying him illustrate something inherent in the nature of God.   All Christians are expected to emulate such grace and our clergy are expected to model it.

Yet there are a number of incidences in his career when even Jesus leaves the Pastor's Zone:

-Starting a near riot, Jesus over turns the money changers tables in the Temple and drives them out with a whip while denouncing their officially sanctioned business (Mt. 21:12-17, 21:23-27, Mk. 11:15-19, Lk. 19:45-48, John 2:13-16).

-Dining with religious officials, Jesus denounces their hypocrisy in no uncertain terms, “Woe to you hypocrites and fools!” (Luke 11:37-54).

-On two occasions Jesus uses the slur "dogs" in reference to gentile women who will eventually be held up as examples of faith (Mt. 15:22-28, Mk. 7:25-30).

-At Jacob's well we find a scandalous scene where Jesus alone with a non-Jewish woman confronts her immorality at point blank range while offering her the "living water" of faith (John 4:1-f).

A pastor much wiser than me offered this reflection once, "Love doesn't mean keeping someone in their dysfunction and enabling it."   Telling the truth to an addict or an abuser can begin the road to recovery for some.  Speaking the truth to power can change the world as we have seen in the pastoral ministry of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Bishop Desmond Tutu.

One of the great opportunities of professional ministry is growing past the need to please, the duty to meet other’s needs while ignoring your own, to accept that the grace we so eagerly proclaim for others is also available for ourselves.

Saying "no" to a parishioner's habitual negative behavior within the life of the church is a tough thing to do when those who have endured it for years hold the Pastor's Zone expectation that clergy will always be nice.   Yet the angry and manipulative and negative end up holding a congregation hostage unless a leader speaks the truth and asserts a healthy boundary. 

I once had a parishioner take me out to lunch so he could explain his rationale for cheating on his wife of 45 years.  I listened with patience until he asked me, "...well, what do you think?"   And I replied, "I think what you are doing is terribly wrong and it will hurt everyone involved, but mostly you."   The man got up and left the restaurant, lunch and the church.  He didn’t have time for the 'Man of God' curse.

Speaking the truth in love is no small skill and can only be done with humility and perspective.  That's a love that can only be born in one's own honesty about oneself; the most important success a clergy can achieve.

We might want to reconsider Jesus' last beatitude:

Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account.  (Matt 5:11)

Why is it a blessing to have people lie about you behind your back and say mean things?   Jesus may be speaking specifically to those in the early church facing organized persecution and martyrdom.  In a broader application the blessing may also reflect a reality of the life in grace.  

The gift to speak the truth in love, even when breaking the pattern of codependent enabling expected of the clergy, i.e., "Leaving the Pastor's Zone",  is going to get anyone in such trouble.  Those invested in brokenness don't want to hear the truth, even when delivered in love.   If those you serve are "reviling you" it might mean you are getting close to the heart of the matter in their lives....and your own. 

And that would be a blessing indeed!